The Collared Couple (C and M) are a long-term, straight, switch couple who’ve been experimenting with chastity since they first began dating. They can be found on Reddit at u/TheCollaredCouple (NSFW).
By: The Collared Couple
We love kink! Since we began dating a year ago, we've happily explored switching on and off, dominating one another in various forms – including chastity play. In our normal dynamic, C usually stays locked for a few days at a time.
Partaking in a full month of chastity is a new experience for us both, and we are so excited to be trying it. One thing we’ve discovered so far is just how much long-term chastity calls for communication and vulnerability. In that spirit, we decided to interview one another about how Locktober has been going.
The questions will cover topics such as what turns us on about chastity, our thoughts on submission, and the emotional challenges of locking and keyholding.
C (locked) asking questions to M (keyholder)
How’s Locktober going for you as a keyholder?
The beginning was actually a little rocky. We've experimented a lot with kink since we started dating, but this was a new type of D/s scenario for me and I was just kind of winging it. I was distracted by other things going on in life, and was having trouble providing discipline and being firm. It was difficult for me to exert this type of dominance over someone I loved and knew so intimately. I was scared I would hurt your feelings, or maybe my demands and denial would cause a fight. The idea that someone else’s mood, pleasure, and emotions were now mine to control was overwhelming me. It was obvious something wasn’t going right, so it took an honest conversation between us to get things back on track.
Once we talked about all of our feelings and reservations and roadblocks, it was off to the races. I went from feeling intense pressure, to feeling powerful. It felt amazing to be the one who controlled your pleasure, and also to be a guide and caretaker. I liked making sure my little puppet was happy and content.
I was pretty shocked at how amazing it’s felt to watch you orgasm from pegging; but I was equally shocked at how having you caged has made so many of the less explicitly-sexual acts we do feel even more intense and exciting. A graze of the leg, taking your hand, or cuddling on the couch are each giving me butterflies all over again. The other night, we bonded so much that I felt the nostalgia of falling in love, like I was falling in love all over again. I also learned that as a sub, you are a true brat. You need discipline to be kept in line!
Have you noticed changes in me since we started?
I think both of us have noticed some specific changes in your behavior. Enduring the delayed gratification of handing over control to another person has seemed to make you more thoughtful, sensitive, and eager to please. This can be sexually or as simple as changing the sheets without being asked, or running an errand for me. Knowing you have to earn the reward of sexual attention has made you quite well behaved!
I also think we’re communicating better. We have always been great communicators with one another, but chastity has really forced us both to open up more. Some of the conversations have been difficult ones; keeping Locktober on track really requires lots of talking to each other about expectations and disappointments. On the other hand, we’ve also had conversations that are extremely positive, reaffirming our strong commitment to one another. In all, my feeling is that Locktober has truly galvanized the bond between us.
What about chastity intrigued you enough to try it as a keyholder?
When you introduced me to the concept of chastity, I was caught off guard. We hadn’t been dating for very long, but we’d already been open about our propensity for kink and sexual adventure. I knew you were very sexually experienced, to say the least.
You’re someone who loves sex, is great at sex, and likes to have a lot of sex. If you were posed the question, “What’s your love language”, I am certain you’d choose physical touch. So I needed to know what this Kinky Casanova found so arousing about chastity! It was like a mystery that I wanted to solve. Once we started to check out some stuff together on Reddit, I was kind of hooked.
I was also a bit taken aback at first, because in past relationships I had primarily engaged in the submissive role when it comes to BDSM. So I questioned if I would be turned on playing the Dominant role. What intrigued me, however, was the realization that picking up girls came so easily to you; the puss practically fell into your lap! You’ve never really had to work for it before. So the idea of making you beg for it when other women haven’t makes me feel sexy and confident.
How do you feel when I’m locked up in my cage? How do you address the responsibility of being a keyholder?
I feel like some sort of powerful goddess when you’re in the cage. That being said, I was not prepared for the intensity of being a keyholder. It’s actually a heavy responsibility. It’s important for people to recognize that when you are denying your partner certain kinds of affection and sexual gratification, you kind of have a duty to ensure they still feel wanted and loved. Without practicing communication throughout the experience, you risk alienating or hurting your partner. So the keyholder has to walk a fine line between benevolence and discipline, denial and care.
Obviously, chastity presents challenges for the person locked up, but what challenges do you experience on the other side of the dynamic?
While it’s incredibly sexy and exciting, chastity can also be challenging. It’s led to a lot of intimate conversations, flirtation, and desire, but also sexual frustration and opportunities for hurt feelings. It’s not for the faint of heart.
As a keyholder, it’s very difficult for me to think I’m hurting you, or not satisfying you, because I have so much love for you, and in real life we take such good care of one another. When you’re locked up, sometimes I worry that something I do or something I don’t even know about my role as your keyholder might impact you negatively.
Also this probably goes without saying, but I get worked up and super horny too, so having the self-control to keep you in the cage is a challenge!
How does chastity enable you to explore your dominant side? Do you find yourself missing submission while I’m caged?
I was surprised to find that I don’t miss submission. The more I’ve stepped into the dominant role, the more I’ve enjoyed it. The power exchange and the responsibility have become kind of an honor in a way. I can feel my confidence building, and certain hang-ups about my body, just certain insecurities, are almost shrinking.
Once I took ownership of the role it was super empowering. The anal play in particular made me feel very turned on. Giving you prostate orgasms from pegging was wildly hot. It’s a turn on to know you’re giving someone that much pleasure.
Would you do Locktober again? How has it changed your attitude towards chastity and what might you do differently in the future?
I will answer this with an enthusiastic YES. The first week was rocky, but by now my head has become full of exciting ideas, and I feel more confident and powerful than usual. I also think I’ve figured out how to be a more effective keyholder, so you as my partner can experience the intensity and intimacy in the ways you need.
M (keyholder) asking questions to C (locked)
How’s Locktober going for you so far?
It’s been such a roller coaster! Starting out, I knew I’d need mental fortitude and discipline to distract myself from my pre-DICK-ament, so to speak. I made it through the first few days without any problems. Then, the real fun began. After a few days of locking, the arousal peaked for me, and since then I have been having a hard time distracting myself as my sex drive overwhelms me. You’ve made it harder by teasing me, and I’ve loved every second of it.
I’ve now settled into a slow simmer of arousal, always there but never overbearing, with occasional bursts of extreme horniness. At times I have absolutely wanted to call it quits and beg my way out of the cage. But something keeps me going. Every sensation has been heightened. Kisses, touches, and (when I’m granted the reward) pegging all feel so much more incredible. For the most part, I am having a blast enduring this deliciously cruel month.
There have been challenges. One thing I’ve noticed is that without sex, I began to feel unwanted in a way. I was a VERY eager participant in Locktober, so intellectually I knew it didn’t make sense to feel unwanted, because I was the one asking for this, but emotionally it was still hard to ignore. Those feelings festered for days until I was able to bring it up with you, clear the air and put Locktober back on track.
Lastly, the sexual frustration can be overwhelming at times, to the point where I find myself short on temper and easy to upset. Luckily, we have managed to navigate these challenges through good communication.
How did you get into chastity originally?
When I first heard about chastity, I was confused. How could anybody want to lock up their penis and deny themselves orgasms? As someone who loves sex, I couldn’t understand the appeal. But my kinky side eventually got the better of me, and curiosity led me to buy a cage off Amazon. Trying it on for the first time, I was hooked. I was single at the time and began experimenting solo, hoping someday I would have a keyholder.
What’s your memory of how the two of us started exploring chastity together?
You and I hadn’t been dating very long when I brought up my interest in chastity. I remember being somewhat sheepish about it. I could tell you weren’t so enthusiastic at first, which was understandable, but also something where I had to overcome some feelings of disappointment. Yet the more we talked about it, the more we reached a common ground, to the point where I remember wearing the cage on a date as a surprise, feeling confident that there was a good chance it would be received well. From there, we began to experiment more and more.
It’s no secret that you have a SUPER high sex drive, so how do you reconcile that with being locked up?
I think it’s actually because of my sex drive that I’m so drawn to chastity. There’s something inherently hot about surrendering and handing your sexual satisfaction over to someone else who will be in control of it. I’ve also always been interested in orgasm denial, and I love teasing and crave submitting from time to time. Chastity checks all those boxes.
How does chastity indulge your submissive side?
Chastity is one of the most fun ways to indulge my submissive side for longer periods of time. Everything about it is submissive: You’re handing over control of your orgasms, which is one of the purest forms of submission in my opinion. The tease and denial aspect is just so hot to me; I love feeling a little helpless, at the mercy of my partner, pushing me to my breaking point sexually yet withholding the release.
I also derive a lot of satisfaction out of servicing or worshipping, so pleasing my other half while being denied pleasure is a huge turn-on.
Finally, I love the discipline of undergoing a significant challenge. Being presented with obstacles and overcoming them is something I relish about submission.
Conversely, do you find at times it’s difficult to suppress your dominant side while you’re being denied sexual satisfaction?
When it comes to my dominant side, I find that it really ebbs and flows during chastity play. Sometimes I have incredibly strong urges to assume the dominant role and take control of the scene, and I have to remind myself that it’s not the time or place. I know there are switches out there who can exert dominance even while being caged, but so far that hasn’t felt right for our dynamic.
Being caged also reduces my natural impulse to be dominant since it makes me very aware at all times of being in a somewhat controlled and submissive position. Typically, this goes away as soon as the cage comes off, but it’s something I have noticed in the past and especially now as we go through Locktober. So your next spanking is just going to have to wait until the month is over!
What do you think you’ll gain from this experience?
Locktober is a real test of what we’re capable of. If nothing else, I will have learned how much denial I can withstand. I also hope to learn more about my sexuality — specifically, what things outside of penile interaction can produce satisfaction. Likewise I want to keep learning or refining ways of pleasing you sexually. Humans are resourceful creatures, and Locktober is such a great time to explore new and exciting ways to give and receive pleasure outside of conventional sex.
Also, I think Locktober will give me a better understanding of more long-term submission. When we’re playing with D/s roles in a specific scene, there are well-defined parameters that make the submission more concrete. But this is a different type of submission, always there but never as pronounced, so I think learning more about that role will be really interesting for me.
How do you think this will impact both our physical and emotional intimacy?
We’ve talked about the short-term challenges, but I think the more long-term bond we forge will be lasting. There’s something to be said for two people engaging in something that puts one party in such a vulnerable position and the other in such a position of responsibility. It’s hard not to see it strengthening our intimacy in the end. As with all D/s situations, trust is a major factor when it comes to chastity, and the trust we build will make us even more intimate once it’s time for the cage to come off.
Lastly, what is the biggest turn-on of Locktober for you?
As someone who appreciates a challenge, the heightened difficulty of a full month of denial is extremely arousing.
I also love this particular type of submission. I love not being able to have an orgasm when I want, having to work to distract myself, waiting at any moment to be given a task or a gentle tease. It is a really huge turn-on being owned in this way.
While this isn’t a turn-on per se, I also really love the camaraderie that comes with Locktober. It’s fun to be part of something that’s bigger than just you and your partner. From all the content out there (on Reddit in particular) you see that you’re loving and hating and struggling through the month with so many other people that it’s hard not to feel part of a community of sorts. This also makes Locktober a lot more fun in my opinion.
A Kink for Everyone
Discovering chastity and exploring it, especially during Locktober, has been an incredibly fun and rewarding part of our sex life. It’s brought us closer together in ways we wouldn’t have expected. As we begin to create content and share our lifestyle more online, you can follow along by checking us out on Reddit at u/TheCollaredCouple.
And of course, a huge thank you to KINK3D! 31 days of locking is much longer than we’ve ever attempted before, so when we first decided to give Locktober a try, we wanted to look for a cage that would prove comfortable and easy to clean.
Putting in the research truly paid off. If it weren’t for the flawless design and comfort of the KINK3D Viper, Locktober might not be going as well as it is for us. In the past we were using a cheap cage that we found on Amazon, which got the job done but was uncomfortable at times and not of the highest production quality. The fact that the Viper is so lightweight and ergonomically designed means he almost forgets it’s on from time to time — until she makes sure he’s reminded of it! As a bonus, it looks great on him too, which she certainly appreciates!
For anyone out there who is skeptical: give chastity a try! The worst thing that could happen is you decide it’s not for you. But the upside could be discovering and enjoying a new kink that is extremely versatile — one that works for individuals or couples, and for brief periods of time all the way up to long-term denial where it blurs into everyday life. You never know — you might end up liking chastity as much as we do!
If you think you have a perspective to share on our blog that would resonate with our community, and you’re excited to write about it, get in touch and pitch us on your idea!
Chastity is a deeply personal journey, and each individual experiences it in their own unique way. The views expressed in this guest post belong solely to the author and do not necessarily reflect those of KINK3D.